just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
