I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
