did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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