He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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