I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
