when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
