I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
