How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
