While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
