No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
