Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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