shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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