Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
