Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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