I seem to have left my pride at pride
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
