So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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