there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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