you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
