There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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