The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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