i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
