You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
