It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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