And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
