I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
