Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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