He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
