Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
