i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
