don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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