Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
