I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
