Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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