I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
