we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
