yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize