So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
