Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So apparently I’m into choking now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
