the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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