i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
