508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
