yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Non-Jews are for practice
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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