i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
