I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize