yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
