considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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