You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Randomize
