he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
