Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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