When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
