My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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