I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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