Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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