As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize