i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
