i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
