it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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