It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
