Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
