You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
