No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize