Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
