someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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