haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
