Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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