Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
