I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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