Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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