I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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