Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize