she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
